Five days more, and it would be exactly two years from the last time I updated this thing. Impressive. Well, let's go through and see what each paragraph holds, and what I can update on.

I no longer work at the bank. I was there a little over five months. I quite to go to work for medicaltoys.com, the nation's largest online medical fetish toy company. Funny that it's located right here in this town of just under thirty thousand. Anyhow, after two weeks, I fucked up majorly and used the internet to zip around on google, one pop-up came up, and then the whole computer got eliminated through viruses. It was connected to the main server, so had the server been infected, I could have tanked the company. To their credit, I was going against the rules and perusing the internet on company time. To my credit, I have never worked at any business that did not have SOME means of virus/spyware protection. They had none. At all. Well, after nearly a month of self-imposed woe-is-me-I've-never-been-fired-oh-god-no-one's-hiring lament, I fell back on security work since my guard card was still active. I worked for about two or three months with American Star, doing odd job security stuff and then full time at the welfare office. Nightmare. I hadn't been on welfare since 14, and then the only time I interacted with that place since was to do CMSP medical help. So working there was shit. I went in to that security company because they needed people for the power plant, thanks to my friend P for alerting me to that. After a bit of fortune, I got the job at the power plant, through the American Star contract, and I have been there since (wow) and while I love just about all of it, I could do without most of my coworkers conservative screw-everyone-who-isn't-American attitude. Next paragraph...

Well, my ex E (E.1 I guess, I later dated a guy who also started with E, so he'll be E.2) came back from Iraq safe and sound. I haven't spoken to him (and that was through IM) in at least a year if not more. I randomly checked his myspace, when I spoke to him last, he had just gotten married. Well, in the myspace, they've also had their first child. At first I was surprised, but at the same time, he's grown up, changed, found his path in life and well, I'm proud of him, even if we haven't spoken in forever and I'm pretty sure he's not really thought of me in just as long as we've spoken. Who knows. Either way, it's nice when the internet can show you how people are doing. Next paragraph...

My dad was not upset with me about how I spent the money, he understood and knew it was a gift, it was mine, therefore I did with it what I needed at the time. I also no longer have the Kia. I now have my buddy JJ's mom's Jeep, which I love. It was originally the first car I really ever wanted, I like Jeeps. It's old but strong, and I do my best to take care of it.

I still don't make it out to the bar as much as I'd like. Like I said, I like the social environment. It's a meeting ground that you can usually count people will be at, whether you drink or not. Anyhow, I make more money now, but I have work at 6:30 in the morning, so I don't go out on work nights. And the DJ stuff a few of my friends we're supposed to do fell through which is too bad, I was looking forward to that. I still wish there was a regular place I'd want to go to, to dance. Oh well.

My former roommate R (now R.1) has moved back for a while. She and I are on much better terms. While she was in Oakland, things got hairy after a while and she actually called me and we had a very nice chat. She still seems a bit awkward (and not just to me) about being too personal around people, but she's gotta do whatever makes her comfortable. I'm just glad that she and I can talk and be friends again it's a good thing. A moved out with his girlfriend at the time, S, and then they broke up, it was ugly. And he's still in the same place, now with a new S, and she's a good fit for him, I hope they continue to have a fruitful relationship. I miss him though, since he's not living here anymore, we both get caught up in being busy working or doing projects or whatever. However it is a good thing in the way that he is finally fleshing out his art a whole lot more, and that's wonderful. After him, I had roommate, C, who was fun, but only here for a month, she's a friend, and one of our mutual friends later sorta moved in too, also C, and it was pretty cool but then her parents offered her a new place they purchased (they're real estate people) that they were willing to rent to her for really cheap, so she took it, and I was fine with that. My new roommate, R.2, is the best roommate I've had yet. He's been here over a year now, and we talk all the time, sometimes too much because of my bed time and we stay up too late just talking about philosophy and politics and life. He has a girlfriend, F, who is a wonderful person, and I hope they stay together forever. She practically lives here, and that's fine with me. She offers to do dishes, cook, and buy whatever the house needs as it's needed. I feel like I sort of have a little family with them, and she brings her dog Bella over all the time, who I also consider apart of my 'family' unit.

Generally, I still feel that way about the concept of cannibalism.

Yep, I still haven't narrowed myself down to a "T" yet, and I still have no direction. Lolz!

Ah-hah. I have four tattoos now! Rock! My little snail with his shield and sword on my left leg, above the ankle (May 7th, 08), my small chaos symbol that just looks pretty, points in all directions and is on the left side of my lower back, and was sort of in the moment while I was visiting a friend in LA, it is still the best vacation I have ever had (October 10th, 08), my cute mini Godzilla that says "Rawr" above my ankle on my right leg (March 5th, 08, yep, ON my birthday). AND, my newest one (which I wanted to get on my birthday, but this one was truly important and required time), is Godzilla positioned as the great thinker. Its nine inches tall and seven and a half inches wide, on my back, the top half, and is expertly done. R.2's girlfriend, F, told me to go to the tattoo artist and she was exactly right. He's doing it the way I want, and he's giving a damn about how it looks, and doing his best to make it a serious piece, not a joke, which makes me proud. As far as I've looked, and I'm going to keep on believing this, I'm the only person in the world with this tattoo. Heh, or so I tell myself. There are over six billion people in the world, but still.

I still really want to talk to someone. However, hey, looking back, I have accomplished a few good things of note. I went to South America ALL BY MYSELF for a month. It was mostly a shitty trip, but just normal shitty, nothing too ridiculous. I got my cell phone and camera stolen at the same time, I have no pictures to even prove I was there, I stepped in vomit, I got tar on me, etc. But I did it on my own, which was terribly lonely. Being alone when you have friends you can call to hang out and being alone and having no one you know to just talk to or spend time with are very different things. LAME. Yeah, that's the right word. But yeah, I did that, and now I can say that I totally did that, go me. Also, I have completed my first act of theft that I could get arrested for. Or would be it considered vandalism? Or trespassing, or both or all three? The Arctic Circle restaurant closed down some time ago, and I wanted the sign on the building that says "Where the Good Stuff Is" and so one night I went over, undid the screws, pulled the framing back, and slid the big acrylic sign out and threw it in my jeep and it now lives in my house My dad was like "do that when you're underage!" well, I was a different person then, I would never have had the guts to do it by myself. Nor did I really think I'd have the confidence to do it anyways. But these days, there is a certain measure of confidence I have now. I am an adult, and I would have owned up to my actions had a cop caught me. I was aware of that risk, and I took it anyways. The building had been closed for almost a year! No work to tear it down, no work for someone moving in, nothing. It was abandoned. I would have probably been fined, maybe jail for a bit. But really, stealing a sign from vacant property? I believe the risk was worth it

Yup, still a free thinker. Still wish there was totally some omnipotent being who could answer my questions and ease my mind, but simply believing in that entity, I can't see how it just automatically relieves you of responsibility for what you must do or what you mustn't. Either way, glad I'm not super emo tonight.

Still feel the same way about them good ol' morals. But it's good to know that although, even if no one admits it completely, that there are plenty of people out there who totally wish to do the same things you do, but choose not to. Some do it because of morals, others do it for the reasons like me, I know it would make some people unhappy. But really in the end, it's nice to sit back and go, "hmm, well I felt like doing that today, and I'll feel like doing that tomorrow, but if I don't do it, it won't be the end of the world, but the world still still suck, and I can deal with that." Strange outlook. Fuck, I haven't eaten yet today.

The sexual things I still most think the same way. And hey, I just totally was able to have awesome sex the other night with a guy and it was a just for fun thing, and it really felt like that, which kicked ass. I love it when one night stands go the right way. On the plus side, he was opening to doing it again if it ever happened that way, so, awesome.

E.2 and I are no longer together. I broke up with him the day after my friends A and C got married. LOLZ WEDDINGS! ...yeah. Anyhow, a horrible truth that was hard to admit, but its so plain now, is that I knew I shouldn't have hooked up with E in the first place. I wasn't ready for a big relationship. I was still fooling around with B, and well into I think a month of mine and E's relationship too. Granted, it was because of how I felt about B, everyone else I acted playful with it never went further than words and me grabbing a few tits, but with B, well,..yeah. ANYHOW, B came back for the wedding, he'd moved away and I was hoping that that would keep me shut off. Obviously, according to the last post, I was still having doubts and concerns about E and our situation. Well, there were many little things that I was noticing that didn't help, and as time progressed, it was funny, before I knew B was back in town, I was telling my roommate R.2 about how I needed to split up with E, and then boom, B comes back to visit and I end up spending time with him. My friend L threatened to tell E what I had done, but it was my business so I told him immediately, and he didn't seem too surprised. OUCH. Well, we split, I didn't see him for 2 weeks, then we met up one more time to exchange a few things, and ended with a somber, awkward hug, but I commend his vigilance for wanting to keep things relatively smooth between all his exes and him. I saw him about a month ago for the first time, and we were neutral to each other and it wasn't a bad thing. It was nice to say hi, and catch up a bit, and leave it there, that was good. Well, as for B, he and I spent those two weeks he was in town mostly together, and he said personal things to me, very intimate things, which I asked him when we were completely sober if he meant them. He said yes, and then he had to go back. He hooked back up with the lady he was living with, then shit went down with them, he moved back. I asked him if we were done, he said yeah, then I asked him what about the stuff he'd said, and he told me it was just pillow talk. Not cool. Well, he's back now, living here again not visiting, and he's a different person. He's a shadow of his former self, and seems to have come home with his tail between his legs. He barely gives eye contact to most women, any women who are assertive, and he's finally hooked up with a really sweet girl, and I hope that nothing ill happens between them. At this point, for mine and EVERYONE's sake, I just hope he starts acting more like himself, and not so aloof and jaded in such an empty way. I've resigned my hope that someday he and I can sit down one more time and seriously work out some closure that's not just a few exchanged sentences. My friend M is right, more than being close to B again, that's what I want--I want to have closure. I got some of it last time we really spoke, but it was about old stuff past, and not really the more recent things. Maybe he thinks we do have closure on that. I do not know. *sigh* But on the super hilarious plus side, finally getting laid by someone helped me ease up on many things. Seriously, sex cools down not just hormonal thoughts, but even non-sexual ones too. I feel a lot more mentally at ease just with myself, simply because I got laid. What does that say? It says I'm a person who likes sex. Mmk.

As for people who act like they're the mother teresa of the group but I feel threatened that they're hiding something. I've realized that I don't think that EVERYONE has something to hide that's necessarily bad to their character. But I now understand that there are plenty of people out there who we all know are just naturally good people, and it comes off the right way. Then there are those fakers, and it's not just me who sees it. The alpha-female thing is just me. When I'm around other dominant women who I don't know that well, I feel like sizing them up first before I know them. It's something I still have, but I'm learning to be more speculative than critical first, which is good.

Hahaha, lol, and again, my bed has no sheets on it. Damn I gotta fix that habit.

Anyhow, my writing has truly reached a happy point. It's been about four years at least since I've actually finished one of my many pieces. I finished it, and I'm proud of myself. I have sixteen stories now that are unfinished, but I'm revolving between a few of them consistently, and working hard to make them good. Yay for writing.

Well, shit, the oven's ready for frozen pizza, I'd better go get on that. This has been nice, and reflection is a great tool if used properly. I'm proud to see that I have come somewhere. Two years ago, I had no idea I'd be going to South America. Oh, also, I'm going to Germany this December. Man, I want to travel more. Anyhow, all right, feeding time!